The "Mrs." Degree

I am rarely so struck by an article in the newspaper that I find myself thinking about it in the shower, while making breakfast, on my drive to work, AND on the drive home, but I recently read the following article in the New York Times and did just that:
Many Women at Elite Colleges Set Career Path to Motherhood By LOUISE STORY Women are being groomed to take their place in an ever more diverse professional elite. But many of these women say that is not what they want.

The article interviewed several young women at Ivy League universities and sited trends illustrating that more and more young women of "my generation" are planning to be stay at home moms. Intrigued by this notion and a bit befuddled by the tone of the article, I emailed it to my mom and a few of my girl friends and received the most interesting, diverse responses. For the benefit of debate, I will copy their comments here. I would be curious to hear your responses!

My mother:
Dear Jessica

Very interesting article! Im glad that someone is giving this some thought, Dad & I were just discussing it the other day. You're so lucky to be living in the "Internet age", Dad's company seems to have no problem with the "working from home" scenerio.....one of dad's co-workers, Michele, lives in Santa Cruz works from home, rarely comes into the office. Dad's big boss lives in New Jersey, works from home. It's becoming so common. I imagine by the time you have kids it will be fairly standard.

It also makes me feel good that young people are seeing the value of "stay at home mom's", I got alot of crap in the early years...It used to be an embarrassment to say "I'm a stay at home mom"....now I'm proud to say it!

Disney seems to be a company that value's family, that's clear....I bet they would totally support a woman that made the choice to cut back hrs & work from home,
You're a lucky girl.

Much Love
Mom
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Kim:
you know, this is actually QUITE interesting.

the debate on women's issues concerning work and motherhood has gone on for a GOOD amount of time. this article brings out some interesting questions and observations:

-the second shift (work and home life) has been an INCREASINGLY dichotomy in the last 20 years, with women taking over jobs that require less time at home.
-more men have taken over the role of stay-at-home dad, and society (seems) to be taking this as ok.
-it seems that fewer incoming college women are not realizing the "out of the box" ideas that full-time working and full-time parenting can happen, no less for BOTH genders.
-as more companies begin providing on-site daycare, the problem of parenting OR working becomes less of an issue; however, this assumes one can obtain such a job and work at such a place.
-this survey definitely shows an upswing back into 1950s mentality of women not HAVING to work--the choice of whether or not they WANT to work brings an idea of fulfillment outside of current gender ideals for women.
-some would consider this a step back for the women's movement: is it? is feminism about taking power and control of one's life as a woman? (even if that means choosing to be traditional) or is it defying all traditional gender roles to create a space for girls to understand they aren't boxed in? hasn't that already been done? and why go to yale or harvard if you already intend on staying home (i totally don't believe in this one, but it's a good question nonetheless)? .....

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Kristy:
This article is VERY interesting and very true. I have been on abridal forum a lot recently and it is so strange for me to hear theslide towards traditionalism. While I think that in our currenteconomy/house prices it is pretty much impossible for a Californiawoman to quit working, I do know that many people are looking to getwhat Andrew calls an "Mrs" degree. Everyone wants to be a Mrs! Ihave yet to meet a woman who wants to keep her name (besides mycousins who never took their husbands names and my feminist friends).

Now to REALLY answer your question. I think it is tough for womento have it all. Somewhere, there is a chance that either home or workwill suffer. This isn't a garuntee, but it is a possibility.Especially since there are so many "bad" kids out there and lots of itis blamed on lack of parenting. There is still the issue of womenmaking ~74 cents to the male dollar. Well if two parents are raisinga child and one had to stay home, obviously the one making less will,right? Most of the time, that's the woman.

Thirdly, and this is where I fall into this group...many women justwant a break from working and see motherhood as an easy way out.Heck, I get TIRED from working so many hours and with all those kids! [fyi: Kristy teaches middle school] I would love to be able to take time off. Now does this mean that Iwant to stay at home all day with my rugrats? Not really. But maybe that's because I have never been a lover of young children. Hopefullymy own someday! All I know is that I hate cats, but I still love myChloe. :)

So we women have such high standards set for us from birth. Andof course, we try to do all that we can to reach it. But my guess is,many of us women are just getting lazy and want to slide back into the"old way", which seems easier. Yeah, its certainly easier, IF andONLY if you have a man who has evolved past the ways of the 1950s.That is something I think most women forget. Me? I'm just kissing the ground thanking the fact that Andrewcooks and cleans. Watch for me to be taking time off in 5 years, butas soon as I get sick and tired of that lifestyle, I will definitelybe back to work. Because, as you know, every smart woman needs achallenge. :-P
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For myself, what I found interesting about the article was the author's attempt to suppress what I sensed was a tone of dismay - as though these ivy league girls were going to waste their education by being stay at home moms. I would have been interested to know what percentage of men are considering the option of being a stay at home dad or part time dad. For example, my boss' husband is a stay at home Dad and she works from home on Fridays. The article just assumed that because more women were willing to stay home, we are returning to more traditional gender roles (and as Kim later pointed out: just because the article interviewed 4 girls from northeastern ivy league schools doesn't mean it's a trend). In another light, I think this can be seen as a step forward in the women's movement because a woman can "choose" to be a stay at home mom and not be thought of as a second class citizen because of it. The idea that a woman's monetary value is her only value is simply absurd, and a truly backwards way of thinking.

The article also seemed to skirt around the real problem (which Kristy also touched upon) - that it's simply not possible to be the best parent when both you and your spouse/partner are working full time; and unlike our parents' generation, our generation can see that. Sure, there are plenty of parents who have pulled it off and do a reputable job, but not without a considerable amount of stretch and stress - mostly on the part of moms. If you're going to make it to your kids soccer practice and piano lessons, you're probably not working the long hours usually required to make it into high-power roles.

If and when I ever have kids, I imagine that I would try to take a year or two off, or position myself in a job that did not require me to always be at the office... but I would expect my husband to have the willingness to do the same. And therein lies the rub, which I think Kim, Kristy, my mother, and I all agree on: If you can find a man (or woman) who has evolved beyond that 1950's mentality of subservience - who can respect his or her partner for staying home and raising their kids, then that is all that really matters.